i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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