so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
