I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
