Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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