I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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