I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
