i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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