Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
