He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
