I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
