HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
