i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize