Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
