i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want nice things and good sex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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