Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize