So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
