dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
