Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
