well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
