I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
