my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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