My hand turned me down
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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