My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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