she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
