don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
