When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
