You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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