hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
