the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
