This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
