so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
