i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
