I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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