I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
