The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
