Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bring money and cleavage
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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