Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
