Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
this hospital has no fireball
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize