who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
