sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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