think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
