Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
