I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
