they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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