Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
