They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
