Screwed.edu
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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