get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
