is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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