i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
