I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
