I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
