Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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