You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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