I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
