I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
