I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
