I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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