so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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