Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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