i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
