I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
