"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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