I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
