Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
