you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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