At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
