drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
